


something understandable

by thaumasilva



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Accidental Coming Out, Character Study, Coming Out, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Pre-RoW, supportive family, that point in your teenage rebellion phase where you start to come to terms with being queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28271073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thaumasilva/pseuds/thaumasilva
Summary: Adolin accidently implies his attraction for Kaladin during a conversation with Renarin, and decides not to lie about it. Mostly character study/meta.Takes place during the one year timeskip between OB and RoW. OB spoilers, no major RoW spoilers.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	something understandable

“…So she’s happy, but she needs support,” says Renarin, leaning against the window frame. 

Adolin nods distractedly from where he’s laying out his suit jackets. “Yes. But I think we all could use some support right now.” He straightens up, eyeing the jackets critically. “Which one do you think needs some detail?”

“The darker one on the left could be good with silver…” Renarin trails off, gaze unfocused. Adolin waits for him, and he blinks again after a moment. “But I’m glad to hear Shallan is well. Or mostly well. A troubled marriage is the last thing we need right now.” He leans forward and snags one of Adolin’s fancier jackets off the bed, studying the embroidery thoughtfully. “Although. Well.” His mouth twists to the side, a subtle tell that he’s embarrassed. 

“What is it?” asks Adolin. When Renarin stays silent, he presses, keeping a teasing tone to his words. “Come on, Ren, whatever you think you can say it to me.”

“I, uh.” Renarin stares at the ground. No eye contact is the usual for him, but Adolin has noticed the increase in his brother’s confidence. How now he can shake off the whispers, content with his private, if baffling, world of future-visions and intrigue. Seeing him off-kilter like this is almost a regression, and it makes a spike of concern flare in Adolin’s chest.

“I had… noticed her interest in Captain Kaladin, as well,” says Renarin quietly, almost as if he’s afraid Adolin didn’t know. “I was worried there would be problems after the wedding.” He shrugs. “But you all seem fine.”

Adolin can’t help the grin of relief that spreads on his face. Trust Renarin to be the observant one. He claps a hand on his brother’s shoulder, and Renarin smiles at the obvious levity of the gesture. 

“No, no problem there.” He laughs and turns back to the jackets, waving a dismissive hand. “Honestly-- I don’t remember if I’ve told you this-- I was prepared to let her go chase him, but she’d made her choice.” He huffs in amusement. “It’s not like I didn’t get it.”  _ He can fly! _ he remembers himself protesting, and laughs again as he starts to neatly fold the garments.

Adolin gets through two of the jackets he’s not interested in modifying before Renarin speaks, quiet again. “What?”

“I--.” Adolin stops. Oh. “Well, I understood why she’d find him--.” and he pauses again when he sees the open look on Renarin’s face. Truth be told, he’s not sure what he’s saying, where it’s going. He does know what it sounds like, though.

With anyone else, he’d paste another grin on, and make some quick comments about Radiance and power and other good matches. He’d end with a  _ but turns out Radiance isn’t everything,  _ add in a wink for good measure, and buy the next round of orange for the table, or something.

But Renarin isn’t anyone else. They see less and less of each other, with the war and their different duties. Renarin’s expression isn’t apprehensive or confused, just open, searching. Something tense in his posture that isn’t a threat. 

Adolin sets his folded stack on the bed. 

“I don’t really know myself,” he begins, slowly. “But I do. Understand the appeal.” He glances away to the bedspread, which feels cowardly, but it’s easier. “He’s a good man. And it doesn’t change anything between Shallan and I. I’ve, I’ve told her all this.” He tries for a self-deprecating smile, forces himself to look back at Renarin. “It’s not a problem,” he says, and he has no idea who he’s trying to convince. 

Renarin just blinks at him. He sets the jacket on the bed. “Is it only Kaladin?” he asks, voice carefully neutral. “Or have you always…”

_ Oh, only Kaladin,  _ he wants to reply, just to have an easy and dismissive answer. But other memories crowd themselves into his mind. Watching cavalry-men ride their horses smoothly over bridges. Taking Jakamav’s hand to help haul him to his feet in the training ring. And Kaladin, again, his solid stance reminding Adolin of a dozen other soldiers he’s known over the years, that he’s flicked his eyes away from. 

His silence speaks for itself. Renarin seems to realize his own quietness and quickly lifts his chin, nodding at Adolin. “I see. It’s alright, brother. I won’t, um. It’s safe with me.” He thumps a fist against his chest lightly. 

“Thank you,” says Adolin, and he really means it. He can’t imagine having to explain something like this to their father, or Almighty preserve him, Kaladin himself. It’s not a problem, and it’s not like it’s relevant anymore. He’s married. Just a small little snag that’s taken care of itself. 

_ I understand,  _ says Shallan in his mind.  _ I love you. I, well, being Jasnah’s ward had some finer points than scholarship…  _ and they’d laughed and he’d play-wrestled her under the covers and that was that. No need to bring it up again.

“Adolin?” asks Renarin, and he snaps back to attention. But he doesn’t ask about the silence. “You have a council meeting tomorrow, correct? Could we talk again afterwards?” He almost looks nervous now, but Adolin’s sure it’s just from the uncomfortable topic.

“Of course,” he answers, half-distracted. He can’t remember the last time he felt this unsteady. 

Renarin raises his timekeeping fabrial in apology. “I’ve got to get going. Definitely use silver piping on the one I mentioned.” He retreats to the door, but stops with one hand clutching his other arm. He’s still tense, Adolin notes. “Thank you again for trusting me.”

“Of course,” Adolin echos, and Renarin vanishes down the hallway. The room feels oddly spacious, now, and Adolin small among it.

He returns to folding the remaining jackets. He nudges Maya with his mind, trying to distract himself from the sense of unease. No response.

He’d be a hypocrite if he claimed he didn’t need to talk through this, at some point. Everyone needs support, he’d said. Adolin knows. He knows. He’d never lie to himself.  _ Nothing wrong with me,  _ he thinks as he visualizes silver stitching, and he does believe it.

But no one else needs to know. 

**Author's Note:**

> renarin: ash's eyes i'm not the only gay cousin
> 
> considering adolin is currently schrödinger's canon bisexual, i feel like he would have unresolved emotions about it, being the perfectly masculine golden child and all that. thanks for reading !


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